If Bella Hadn't Jumped
by Totalbooknerd13
Summary: What if Bella had shown a bit more restraint that day on the beach? What if she had never jumped off the cliff? What would have happened then? Here's what I think.
1. Woah

**Ok so I was a huge fan of the Twilight series a long time ago. I was always curious of why Bella did some things. So I figured, why not get inside her head? I started writing in her perspective a bit and I got this. What would happen if Bella had never jumped off the cliff? This is what I think.**

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I sat down on the wet sand and curled up into a ball. I couldn't. I have to wait for Jacob. I rocked back and forth and clutched my sides to hold the hole closed. I closed my eyes.

I don't know how long I sat there crying silently. I was still rocking when a warm hand touched my arm. I jumped and almost screamed.

"Shh, Bella, it's just me." Jacob said. I hadn't seen him sit down next to me. He reached out a hand and brushed away a tear. "You were thinking about him again, weren't you?" He asked in a concerned tone. I nodded and closed my eyes again. We just sat there for a minute. After a while, Jake decided it was time to intervene.

"Hey well are you still up for cliff diving? We can still go…" He started and dropped off as looked out over the water. The beginnings of a hurricane were brewing out in the open waves. "Maybe not." He finished.

I looked up at him. He was smiling impishly at me. I couldn't help but smile back. I slowly uncurled from my ball.

"Come on. Let's go to my house we'll find an old movie or something. We can go cliff diving after the storm passes." He got up and offered his hand to me. I took it and he dragged me up. We started walking back to my truck. I glanced at the churning waves and was glad I waited for Jacob. As I turned my head I thought I saw a flash of red. It looked like a small fire in the middle of the water. I squinted trying to see it better.

"What's that?" I asked Jacob. "It looks like a boat might be on fire out there. Should we call the Coast Guard?" I said. That got his attention. He stopped and looked out into the water. His eyes widened and he started shaking.

"Jake? What is it?" I said getting more anxious as started dragging me faster toward the truck. "Jake!"

"Bella, go to your truck." Jake said through his teeth. His shaking was getting worse. I ran to my truck. I unlocked it and turned around expected to see Jacob behind me. Instead I saw the huge russet colored wolf where he had been standing; it was surrounded by sheds of what used to be his clothes. It was facing the water. The flame was getting closer to shore. Then I got it. Flame, red hair, Victoria. I started shaking myself and got into my truck. I was terrified. I watched as more huge wolves emerged from the woods.

The flame that was Victoria was getting closer to shore and a really fast rate. Suddenly the flame was gone and was replaced by Victoria standing soaking wet on the sand at the water's edge. She looked at me and I met her deep red eyes and she smiled.

I stifled a scream as she lunged at the wolves. The wolves attacked as a whole all moving at once. I wanted to move closer, to somehow help but I was frozen in place. All I could see of the wolves and Victoria were blurs of colors. I was almost glad it was a bad day; there was no one around to witness this.

I was eventually able to close my eyes. I took a step back and backed into my truck. I sat in the seat and curled into a ball like I had earlier. I could still hear the snarls and the screech of something else. I thought I might know, but I didn't want to think about that. It was only a fleeting memory of before this, when I had almost died. But I had been saved by-

I stopped myself just in time.

Suddenly, all the snarls and screeching stopped. I found to courage to open my eyes just a little. I saw a pile of pieces. I didn't want to know what the pieces were so I closed my eyes again.

A hand was suddenly resting on my shoulder. I jumped, a tiny squeak escaping my mouth. I opened my eyes to find them blurry. I had been crying. I wiped my eyes to find Sam standing in front of me.

"Bella" he said softly. Behind him, I saw all the wolves but a few evaporate into the woods. The Jacob wolf was one of the few. "Bella, go home. Jacob will be there in a few minutes." I nodded. He took his hand away and lit the pile, which was now covered in dried pine needles, on fire. I shut the door of my truck and started it. I drove home in a daze. When I got there Charley wasn't home. I went and sat on the couch and curled up again. I don't know how long I sat there.

A knock on the door woke me from my endless well of shock. I got up and walked to the door. When I opened it I was instantly enveloped in a huge hug.

"Jacob, can't breathe." I was barely able to choke out the words. He instantly released me from the hug and looked me in the face. He dragged me back to the couch and sat me down. He paced for a minute and then sat down next to me.

"Bella, are you ok?" He finally said.

"Yes, I'm just… in shock." I said.

"She's gone you know. You'll never have to worry about her again."

"Don't say that just to comfort me, she'll be back. She always comes back. She won't stop till I'm dead."I was shaking now. Only I knew how true this was.

"No, Bella. She's not coming back this time. She's dead."

I stared at Jacob. Could it be true? Could the horror I'd been running from for so long finally be gone? I couldn't speak.

Finally, I said the most intelligent thing I could manage.

"What?"

Jacob cracked a grin. There was no more stress in the lines of his face or in his shoulders. He picked me up in a big hug and spun me around.

"She's gone! Really gone! You're safe from her forever!" He laughed and laughed and as reality sank in I joined in.

We both laughed and hugged. My relief flooded all my senses. For the first time in a while, I wasn't scared of impending death of my loved ones or myself. I felt light and purely happy. This was the happiest I had ever felt sense He left.

Eventually, Jacob and I ended up on the floor lying down. We stayed that way for a long time. We didn't talk. We just basked in joint relief.

Sometime later, we heard the front door open and heard Charlie shuffle his way inside. I got up to go meet him and Jacob followed. We found him in the Kitchen leaning his forehead against the fridge.

"Dad?"

Charlie turned around and I could see that his eyes were blotchy and swollen. I rushed over to him and put my arms around him.

"What happened?"

He took a deep breath and let it out.

"Harry Clearwater died." He said. I was shocked into silence. "He had a heart attack this morning." His voice broke at the last part and I quickly led him to the couch.

"I better get home to my dad; this is going to crush him." I nodded and made shooing motions at him and sat down next to Charlie. I heard Jacob go out the front door and drive off. I hugged Charlie and let him cry on my shoulder for awhile.

Eventually I left him to warm up left over casserole for dinner. After I got him to eat I sent him to bed, there is nothing to be done with grief, and you can only find relief in sleep.

Unless you were me.

That night, I dreamt the same dreams and I woke up screaming. I knew this would happen what with all that happened yesterday. I sat in my bed awhile and calmed myself down. When I finally got up and went down stairs, I found a note from Charlie saying he had to help Sue with funeral arrangements and he would be gone all day.

Perfect, a day alone with only my thoughts for company, unless I went to see Jacob. But Jacob had to take care of Billy.

So I cleaned. There was lots of laundry to be done so I started with that. Then I moved on to the bathroom, the bedrooms, the living room, the kitchen, until there was nothing left to clean. By then it was almost time for Charlie to be home. I started cooking and was finished by the time he came home.

Charlie looked worse than he had the day before. I let him eat and turned on the TV. I sent him to bed early again, he would need it; tomorrow was Harry's funeral.

That night, I was lucky enough to escape my nightly dreams.

I woke up early that morning and made Charlie his favorite breakfast. He came down in a suit I had never seen before. He looked his age for first time. His face was grim and his eyes were dark and cloudy. He would be gone all day again; he was staying to help Sue again.

I decided to work on cleaning cabinets today. I took all the fishing hooks out of the scattering of drawers they were in and gave them their own drawer by where Charlie kept his fishing gear.

I was well into organizing the kitchen supplies when the doorbell rang.

"Just a minute!" I called. I carefully made my way out of the mess that was the kitchen floor to the door. And there I found Jacob. He looked tired and sad. I immediately hugged him and brought him to the kitchen where I was working. When he saw the mess he gave me a small smile.

"If you're trying to get the award for messiest kitchen, you still have a ways to go." He said. I punched him lightly on the arm and went back to my organizing and cleaning. We talked about unimportant stuff for a little while and I eventually got a real smile and some laughs from him.

As the day wore on Jacob started helping me with a particularly hard section. I tried to work faster, I knew Charlie would be home soon and so would Billy. We finished with an hour to spare. Jacob and I moved to the living room.

Yesterday we had been in this same room happy and laughing, now we were both weighed down with grief for the lost family friend. What a contrast. We sat quietly, lost in our own thoughts. Jake sat up straighter all of the sudden, making me jump. He turned to me so I could see his grin.

"Just so I'm prepared for the future, are there any other vampire enemies I should know about?" he said. I punched his arm.

"No, I'm enemy free, finally. So you and the others can sit back and relax. Maybe you'll get so bored, you'll eat yourself fat." I laughed and poked at his stomach. He gave me a look of fake offense.

"Me? Fat? I think not." He said. I laughed at the fake superior tone he used. We lapsed back into comfortable silence. A disturbing thought occurred to me.

"Jake? You probably already know this but I still love them. The Cullens, I mean. They were like my second family. Even Rose." I smiled at that thought. "Even now when they're gone, I love them, and I just want to know if we can still be friends knowing that." I looked at the couch when I said that, I didn't want to see the expression on his face. He took awhile to answer.

"Yeah," he said, and I sighed in relief, "I'll always be your friend, no matter what you love."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I sighed again and leaned my head against his shoulder. Jacob shifted a little and put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. I could see in his eyes what he wanted. _I'm not ready for this yet_ was all I could think as he leaned in closer, never breaking eye contact. I finally found my voice.

"Wait." I whispered. "Wait. Jake, I can't." I put as much of the pain I felt into those words so he would understand why.

"Be happy…" I heard the whisper. I heard it just as clearly as I'd heard it on the motorcycles. It was Edward's voice. I heard sadness in those words, just as I imagine there would be if Edward were really here. The voice froze me in place.

Jacob leaned back and smiled sadly.

"It's because of _him,_ it makes you think of him and how he hurt you, how he left you. Bella, I would _never_ do that to you. You have to know that by now."

"'Be happy', how is that supposed to help me?" I mutter to myself. I look back up at Jacob. "I just can't. Even if it didn't remind me of him, I couldn't. I love the Cullens, _all_ of them." I said sadly. I felt Jacob flinch. There is no way to save him from this pain, as much as it hurt me to see him hurt, he had to know. "I love you, Jacob. You're my best friend, I can't live without you. But I'm not complete, I might never be again, and you need to know this because I look better than I was and I know you've noticed it, but I'm not whole. I can't give you what you deserve. You deserve a whole person, I can't give you that."

Jacob was about to protest, but just then Charlie got home. There has never been better timing.

I jumped up off the couch and rushed to help Charlie.

Jacob went home after that, without another word about our conversation.

That night I dreamt the same old dream and I woke up screaming in the middle of the night. I was so delirious; I thought I saw Edward sitting in my rocking chair.

I'm messed up.


	2. Why do I do this to myself?

**I'm a sucker for reviews, so, to the only person who has reviewed so far, your wish is my command! I hope you like it!**

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Edward pov:

I'm weak, I thought to myself as I ran. But I just have to see her, to make sure she's happy. I was running faster than I ever had before, and so I was in Forks quicker than I was prepared for. I had to stop and think of where she might be.

It was Spring Break so she'll probably be at home. I ran to her house and was immediately informed that she was there by the thoughts of Jacob Black. I was also informed that Bella just can't stay away from mythical creatures.

Jacob was thinking about Harry Clearwater. Apparently he had died leaving him and Bella to take care of their fathers. They were in the living room. I placed myself in a tree a ways away so I could see them.

Bella.

She looked just as beautiful as ever. She looked sad though, and paler than she used to be. Even from my vantage point I could see pain and sadness in her eyes, even when she smiled. Suddenly, Jacob's thoughts overwhelmed my mind in its intensity. I saw Victoria's face and other wolves, and Bella looking terrified. This thought made me almost fall out of the tree.

What was Victoria doing near Bella? I tuned myself into Jacob's thoughts, hoping for an explanation. He thought about the day Bella found out he was a wolf; her terrified reaction and confession about Laurent and Victoria; the day he killed Laurent; a couple days ago when he killed Victoria. All of it with a back ground of Bella's face terrified or zombie like and empty that gradually got better until it was the face I just saw.

_This _is what happened when I left? Then I got the worst picture of all; the first day she came to Jacob, empty, ghostlike, with motorcycles in tow. I got a quick slideshow of it all. Horror filled me until I really did fall out of the tree. I caught myself before I made any noise. Jacob was a wolf now, he might hear me.

I watched through the window as Jacob attempted to lighten the mood.

"Just so I'm prepared for the future, are there any other vampire enemies I should know about?" he said. Bella smiled a tiny smile and punched him in the arm lightly.

"No, I'm enemy free, finally. So you and the others can sit back and relax. Maybe you'll get so bored, you'll eat yourself fat." She said. Her voice, it sounded different, more serious even now when she's joking. She laughed and poked at Jacob's stomach. All of it had the faintest tinge of sadness in it that Jacob probably didn't notice; he didn't know her like I did.

"Me? Fat? I think not." Jacob said. They both laughed at the superior tone he used. They were quiet again. Suddenly, Bella's brow furrowed and I could only imagine what she was thinking about until she spoke her mind.

"Jake? You probably already know this but I still love them. The Cullens, I mean. They were like my second family. Even Rose." Bella smiled at that part. "Even now when they're gone, I love them, and I just want to know if we can still be friends knowing that." She looked miserable and worried and she wouldn't look at Jacob. She was probably scared of what she would see.

Does that love extend to me? Has she moved on or has she held on this whole time miserable because of me? I couldn't stand that thought.

Jacob took awhile to answer that. In his head he was seeing her clutching at her sides and gasping for breath; hearing her explain why she did that and seeing the pain I had caused her. Finally, he answered her.

"Yeah," he said, and Bella sighed in relief, "I'll always be your friend, no matter what you love."

"Promise?" she asked quietly.

"Promise."

She sighed again and leaned her head against his shoulder. I could hear Jacobs thoughts shift, and I tensed as he leaned down and lifted Bella's head up. I could see the panic in Bella's eyes as she sat frozen.

"Wait." she whispered. "Wait. Jake, I can't." There was pain in her voice. It cut me deep and Jacob felt it to, but not as deeply.

"Be happy." I whispered. I could see it, Jacob could make her happy. As I said it, Bella's eyes widened and she froze for a second. In that short instant, all the pain in her eyes left and I could see the Bella I remembered there. But that second was over too quickly and the pale, sad Bella was back. That one short second gave me hope that she could get better in time, I just had to stay away, let Jacob help her….

The thought hurt.

Jacob leaned back and smiled sadly.

"It's because of _him,_ it makes you think of him and how he hurt you, how he left you. Bella, I would _never_ do that to you. You have to know that by now." He was talking about me. I could see my face swirling in his head. This cut me to. Jacob knew, she'd confided in him.

"'Be happy', how is that supposed to help me?" I heard Bella mutter. I froze how could she have heard me? She looked up at Jacob and the pain that was always in her eyes was intensified. "I just can't. Even if it didn't remind me of him, I couldn't. I love the Cullens, _all_ of them." Jacob flinched. She still loved me. After everything, she still loved me. This thought made me sad and very happy at the same time. "I love you, Jacob. You're my best friend, I can't live without you. But I'm not complete, I might never be again, and you need to know this because I look better than I was and I know you've noticed it, but I'm not whole. I can't give you what you deserve. You deserve a whole person, I can't give you that." Hearing this cut me, and cut me deep. I did this, I hurt her. I couldn't take it back.

Jacob was about to protest, but just then Charlie got home. Jacob left and Bella looked relieved.

That night I snuck into her room her to watch her sleep. I didn't expect her nightmare.

"Must find it….. I have to… Keep looking….." Her voice was panicked and she thrashed around her bed. The most heart breaking thing was the three words she said just before she started screaming.

"Edward, help me!" It tore me to shreds. I wanted to wake her up, comfort her, but I held myself back. I couldn't involve myself.

She screamed and screamed and I sat down in the rocking chair to get further away from her. Then, she woke up. She sat up in her bed and screamed and, for an instant, we made eye contact. I was out of her room and out of sight in the next instant. She cried for a long time after that. I wished I could help her, but I knew I couldn't.

I'm messed up.


	3. Here Goes Nothing

**So I have gotten a huge response from all of you! (Well, huge for me.) So here is chapter 3! It may take awhile for part 4 to be posted because I have yet to write it, and my other fic is my focus. Here it is!**

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Edward pov:

A choice.

Leave, and keep my original promise, or, go to her, maybe heal the constant pain she seemed to be. The second option was much more tempting, but was it the right choice?

I paced and paced deliberating.

I can't choose! I have to watch her, I only saw one night. What if that was one of the worst days? What if it was one of the better ones?

That last thought had me running. If Bella was worse, I would show myself, if not….. well, I didn't know yet.

I ran all the way to her house. It was still early morning so I perched myself in the tree outside her window. She was sleeping again though not restfully. She finally woke and stretched. It was still very early for her to be awake. She had dark circles under her eyes and she didn't look like she had gotten much sleep. I knew she hadn't.

She made a huge breakfast for Charlie but didn't eat much herself. She was distracted by something. This was yet another time I wished I could read her thoughts. Charlie left soon after breakfast leaving Bella alone. She just stood in the kitchen looking lost. She looked though all the cabinets, they looked more organized than I remember, and finally decided to organize Charlie's fishing gear.

It was an hour before Bella finished. Each move seemed to hurt her a little bit more. Tears were running down her face by the time she finished. It took every ounce of self control I had to keep me from running in there and comforting her. She put everything away and settled on the couch and cried silently. She curled up into a ball and held her sides.

This was the position Jacob had mentioned. She did that when she…. when she thought about me.

This caused me more pain than anything else that had happened. She was hurt because of me. I hurt her more than I thought I would. She hadn't moved on like I hoped she would. She and I just sat I our places and suffered our own kind of misery.

It must have been an hour later that Jacob showed up. I had carefully avoided going around the front of the house so that he wouldn't smell me, but I still moved further out into the woods just in case.

Jacob knocked on the front door and startled Bella, who got off the couch and opened the door. When Jacob saw her blood shot eyes, he immediately wrapped his arms around her and led her back to the couch. I was instantly jealous of his freedom. I would give anything to trade places with him.

In his head, Jacob was going over last night and it didn't take long for him to figure out what was wrong. He just held her and let her cry into his shoulder. She eventually stopped crying and looked up at Jacob.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"For what?" Jacob said, totally confused.

"For this," she gestured to herself and especially her eyes, "and putting you through it all. You deserve so much better."

Jacob and I were both shocked. Better? She was the best either of them could ever hope for.

"Bella don't say that. It isn't your fault that stupid bloodsucker did what he did. You have no reason to apologize." She just shook her head at her words. This caused Jacob to have a quick, but gruesome, mental image of him killing me. I couldn't blame him, in his shoes I would feel the same way.

I made up my mind right then. That night I was going to show myself to her. I would hopefully make right a wrong. Maybe, just maybe, she would take me back.

Jacob was already gone when Charlie got home around five. He ate dinner and went straight to bed and Bella seemed to have the same idea.

After I was sure Charlie was asleep, I slipped into Bella's room through the window.

I had debated how to do this all day. Should I knock on the front door? Appear in the window and hope she lets me in? I finally decided it would be best to appear in her room when she came in. She might not kick me out then. I stood by the window and prepared myself for her reaction. I could have never been prepared for it though.

When Bella opened the door and saw me, her eyes got very big and filled with tears. She fell to the floor and sobbed into her hands.

"No, no, no. I can't be crazy, not now when Charlie needs me most. No, no, no!" She didn't look up as she said this. She kept shaking her head and crying into her hands. I was frozen for a split second and then I was then comforting her. I slipped my arms around her and picked her up and put her on her bed.

"Bella, you are not crazy. Why would you think you were?" I said as soothingly as I could. She seemed to completely ignore me and continued to talk to herself.

"First his voice, and now this. I guess I shouldn't have encouraged it or chased it. It was only a matter of time before…." She trailed off. What could I say to that? I just kept my arms around her and rocked her back and forth. Slowly, she stopped crying and looked up at me.

"I'm dreaming or I've completely gone off the deep end because you are not really here." Bella said quiet simply.

"Bella, I'm really here. Can't you feel me?" I said.

"Delusions can be this wonderful, I would know." She stared at me and seemed to be taking in my features as if to commit them to memory. "Though I do admit, this is much better than my usual encounters. I usually only hear your voice. You're so life like; I could almost believe you're real."

"Bella, I'm here, I'm real. I'm not a dream or a delusion. I came back. I came back to ask for your forgiveness and to see if it was ever possible for you to ever forgive me after everything I've done." I looked into her eyes, and saw the beginnings of hope there, but they quickly evaporated. She looked down at her bed sheets.

"I don't believe you."


End file.
